How to Be Solution-Focused
When facing a problem, many of us like to play scientist, therapist, and archaeologist. We want to examine the problem from every angle, consider all potential causes, and dig up our past for deeper explanations of our feelings and behaviors. And don’t get me wrong, sometimes this can be helpful. Gaining insight into why you or someone else is acting the way they are may be useful. But sometimes, it’s not. I’m sure you can think of more than one problem or strained relationship in your life that you can fully explain…but having that explanation hasn’t fixed it yet.
As a therapist, a shift that I find helpful is to pause trying so hard to understand the problem and and instead focus first on the solution. Ask yourself…
What will my life look like when this problem is solved?
This question works best with lots of detail and must work within the context of reality (we can’t just all win the lottery and fix everything!). For example…
If you are struggling to connect with your spouse, imagine (and maybe talk about together) what you wish your interactions tomorrow would look like. What would you say to each other? What would you notice? How would you react to each other differently?
If you are feeling lost and overwhelmed by stress at work or school, imagine what a day next week could look like without this stress. What would be different? Would you approach your work differently, focusing on some tasks more or less than others? Would you take breaks more or less often? Would you change who or how you interact with others? Or maybe your work is the same, but you are different, able to respond to the stress in a way that is healthier for you.
If you are are frozen in procrastination, instead of blaming yourself for being lazy, imagine what a more productive tomorrow would look like. What baby step would you do first to get started on your work? What would help you stay on task? What will it feel like to have started, even if you don’t finish everything on your list?
Now of course, we cannot waive a magic wand and turn tomorrow into our perfect world. It takes time for us to change our thinking and behaviors, and even longer for others to respond and change their reactions. If you are suddenly more patient and kinder with your partner, it may take even more patience to wait for them to recognize this and adapt their responses. But starting with the end in mind can often break us out of patterns we are stuck in faster than dwelling on them.
Start with the solution, and see if tomorrow you can be one step closer to it.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy is a goal-oriented, evidence-based counseling technique developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg. It’s one of the techniques that I always like to start with in individual therapy, because it helps clients design clear goals for themselves and our time together.