When Your Anxiety is Overwhelming: Ideas to Feel More Resilient and Less Exhausted
First, it’s important to remember that stress is normal. Humans have evolved to live with and mange a million stressors - from being chased by a lion to stumbling through a new relationship to staring down the blank bubbles on the SAT. Stress is a sign that you are doing something that is difficult and important to you; it can help your body focus and be better prepared. However, a lot of the stress responses our bodies evolved to use (e.g. the adrenaline rush you need to run from a lion) don’t really translate to the modern world (trying to calm your heart rate down and ignore nausea while giving a presentation). But the more you practice noticing and moderating your body’s reactions and finding ways to release stress, the more resilient you will become.
Here are my favorite tips for responding to anxiety:
Take a deep breath. And another. And another. Try to count to four with each inhale and exhale. Slow breathing is a cue to tell your nervous system that you are safe and your body can calm down.
Ground yourself. Put down any screens and notice your physical environment and sensations. A simple way to go this is to run through your five senses - What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste? What can you feel? Take your time going through all five, and then go through them again.
Be kind to yourself. You may notice anxious and self-critical thoughts running through your mind when you’re facing stress. They may be mean and tell you you’re not good enough or “You should be able to do this - what’s wrong with you?!” Or they may exaggerate the dangers of the situation - “If I fail this test, it means I’m stupid and I’ll never get into college” or “If she doesn’t like me, I’ll never make a friend here.” Take a second to notice that this voice isn’t yours (sometimes it helps to even give it a separate name and persona!) and find ways to talk back. This is one of my favorite things to do in individual therapy because it looks different for every client! Is the voice…annoying and you need to be sassy and tell it to just “shut up!”? …or is it irrational and you need to use logic to argue back? …or just mean and you need to stand up to it? Find what works for you.
Move your body. Go for a walk, run, stretch, play a sport, dance, do some jumping jacks - whatever you want. This can help you calm down in the moment, and is really helpful to release stress after you’re out of the situation.
Plan for rest and recovery. Big presentation today? Do your best to plan for some time after to help you reset your nervous system. My favorite way to do this is exercise, but you may find recovery by talking to a friend or getting your nails done.
Talk to someone. You can tell them you’re feeling stressed, or make conversation about the weather or your cat. Either, a face to face conversation and connection can help your body feel safe.
And here are some of my favorite resources about stress:
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA
TED Talk: How to Make Stress Your Friend talks about how a more positive mindset about stress can change how our body responds.
Free-Range Parents has a lot of resources for parents trying who are overwhelmed by their own anxiety and/or working to raise resilient kids.
I hope you find something here that works for you! I’d also love to talk to you more about how you experience stress and set goals for how you want to mange it. Therapy can be a great place to learn how to respond to stress in a way that doesn’t leave you burnt out!